How I feel about sharing the title of "Griffin's mom" — thoughts on open adoption

by candace

As I woke up on the morning of Griffin's first birthday I felt a little like something was missing. I let my thoughts wonder to the year before, the events of that Sunday morning in Arizona. As I reflected I thought about how Heidi must have felt as she was wheeled into a c-section that she had informed me she wanted to avoid if at all possible, how she felt as she watched a nurse comb griffins hair into a little Mohawk while she was still in recovery, and how she felt as Dave and I walked into her room to take this perfect, beautiful baby from her life. 

Within days of finding out that we couldn't have children I was filling out adoption paperwork. I knew that I had to do my part, and do it quickly. Suddenly we had to decide if we wanted to choose if we had a boy or girl first, if we were cool enough to raise children that we a different race than we were, if we were willing to take on the complications of a fetal alcohol baby, if we wanted to have an open adoption. We didn't know much about open adoptions. I remember the case worker encouraging us in that direction. "It's just more people to love the child." Little did I know how profound that statement would become.

Heidi first contacted us in May and told us she was due with a boy in early September. We were reeling with questions but didn't really know when or how to ask so we moved forward with our communication cautiously. One morning in June as I was running out the door to be a leader at our youth camp I decided to check my email before I left. There was an email from Heidi telling us that she wanted us to be the parents of her unborn child.
  

There we were, in late July, knocking on the door of Heidi's parents' home. Two hours later we left feeling full. Full of love. They became family that day. They already loved that baby so much that they were willing to place him with a couple that they knew were his parents. I was blown away by their surety. In the middle of the conversation Heidi interrupts, "He keeps moving when you talk...come feel!"  They genuinely cared about us and they made it so easy for us to love them.

Over the next several weeks I learned so much about love and family from that wonderful family. They loved and supported Heidi and they loved and supported us. In the hospital room that Sunday Griffin was born there was no doubt that he was so lucky to have so many people to love him...from all three sides of his family.
   

As the excitement of Griffin's first birthday progressed throughout the day I knew exactly what was missing. Heidi. I supposed that this birthday brought more pain than joy for her. I wanted her in my home, standing next to me, feeling what I was feeling. I wanted his smiles to brings smiles to her face. I wanted her to laugh as he hesitantly played with his chocolate cake and ate his birthday presents. I wanted this day to be a day of joy for her.
 

Each year on his birthday I find myself feeling the same way and each year my hope is that some of that pain is replaced with joy. I hope that all of that pain is replaced with joy. Because she did something incredible. And will always be family. She is his birth mom. And always will be. And we love her for it.

Happy Birth Mother's Day Heidi!

Your new food guide pyramid

by candace

From Joel Fuhrman's Eat for Health book

Sweet Potato Recipe

by candace

Again, from Joel Fuhrman's Eat for Health book

Made this tonight and it was tasty. I think the kids would like it too.

Healthy Dinner

by candace

Dinner was pretty successful tonight so I thought I'd share:

(Both of these are from Joel Fuhrman's Eat for Health book)

Cranberry Roasted Brussel Sprouts — these are really good!

Cut off ends of 3 c Brussels sprouts and cut them in half

Combine with 1/4 c coconut oil (I used 1/8 c and think you could omit it all together) and 1/4 c organic pure maple syrup and sea salt to taste. Place in casserole dish and roast in oven at 350F for 20-30 minutes until slightly browned. Add 1/4 c cranberries the last 5 minutes and serve hot!

(Recipe from Graci...don't know where she got it)

Smoothies

by candace

So here are some of my smoothie recipes/tips...

Always start with water (1-2 cups) and then fill your blender with greens...the more the better. Mix that up then start adding fruit.

In my opinion, every smoothie is better with banana. Then I either add some apple or some orange, then I add the fruit that I want to be the main flavor.

Protein is optional. Dave was feeling like he needed more protein so he now adds it to his smoothies. We buy the Garden of Life Raw Vegan Protein. Looks like this:

http://www.gardenoflife.com/Products-for-Life/Foundational-Nutrition/RAW-Protein.aspx

There are comparable ones...this was the cheapest last time I bought it so that's why I went with this one. I think Stef said Green Smoothie Girl sells in bulk in the fall and it's much cheaper so maybe that's a good option.

We usually add Chia seeds and Flaxseeds to our smoothies...about 1 tablespoon of each per serving.

THE SMOOTHIE DAVE MAKES EVERY MORNING (1 serving)
Water and greens
1/2 frozen banana
1/3 to 1/2 apple
Blueberries—not too many
Lots of frozen mangos—maybe a cup

(Protein, flaxseeds, chia seeds)

CHOCOLATE MINT SMOOTHIE (from Stef) — love this one, it's like dessert

1/2 cup coconut milk (or almond, flax, etc)  —  Candace uses Almond

2 spoonfuls of avocado 

1 scoop vanilla protein powder

1/2 cup or more of spinach

2 packed tsp of mint leaves

2-3 drops peppermint oil

1/2 banana

8 ice cubes

Blend well then add 2 tsp cacao nibs and briefly blend

BERRY LIME SMOOTHIE

Water and greens

1 banana

1.5ish cups of frozen mixed berries

1 T lime juice

(Protein and seeds)

FESTIVAL BLEND SMOOTHIE

Water and greens

1/2 - 1 banana

Some apple or orange

1-2 cups of the Festival Blend mix from Costco (Papaya, Mango, Pineapple, Strawberries)

(Protein and seeds)

These last two are nothing special—just trying to show you some of the things I've tried that have been good. They are not quite as good as the mango one above. We love mango in our smoothies so we use them a lot. I don't love the smoothies as much when I dump a bunch of random fruit in. I like them more when one flavor is stronger. And if you've made a smoothie and you don't love it add more banana. That usually helps.

New Items for Sale!

Hi family and friends!

We've been working hard to get more items on our website this year so go check it out:

seefishcreate.bigcartel.com

There are Christmas cards and great Christmas gifts.


I'm excited to announce that this year we are having a special on our website until December 31, 2012—

100% of the proceeds from the sale of The Gathering of Friends cookbooks,

100% of the profits from the sale of Christmas cards and word art by Candace,

and 25% of the profits from the sale of calligraphy by Julia

will be donated to benefit Natalie & Alice Fish

Read their story at fishesformarrowwishes.blogspot.com


Want to help but don't want to buy anything?

Feel free to send this email on to your friends or pin some of our items on your Pinterest boards so we can get the word out.


One more thing...we always love custom work so if you want something and don't see it on our website let us know!


THANKS and Merry Christmas!
candace & julia & maggie

See Fish Finish!

by candace

You ready to see the space in the house that makes me the most happy? The loft/playroom area! I love how it turned out. It would have never looked like this without my sister Stefanie. In fact, most of the house would not look like it does without her. She really is amazing. She even sacrificed her life to get the Subway art (seen below) hung on the wall.

I wanted the play area to be functional and fun. I bought the white cabinet to hold books and some toys but I bought the big white toy box so most of the toys could be thrown it there...not organized but hopefully realistic for G to help me clean up. There is a swing, a desk, a mirror, an ABC poster, a chalkboard wall, magnet boards to hang pictures or G's art, and—best of all—chairs for the adults.

The black wall is chalkboard paint. The orange things above the abacus are magnet boards...waiting for G to color some pictures so I can hang them up there. Our family picture is printed on metal!

My mom and I made this :)

 

Where did I get it?

White cabinet, white toy box, swing, gray cabinet above chairs, orange magnet boards, crazy light: IKEA

Orange desk: 2modern

Abacus: CB2

Subway art, gray chairs: World Market

 ABC art, orange bird cage: Z Gallerie

What do you think? Any ideas to make it more fun or functional?

See Fish Finish!

by candace

Welcome to the third week of See Fish Finish. You can see the master bedroom here and the nursery here. Today we have the office. I am a freelance graphic designer—mostly designing textbooks—so I needed a space to work. The office was the first space in the home that came together. I found these yellow chairs within a couple days of moving in and knew they would be a great start to the room. This room has been this way for two years and I still love it.

Where did I get it?

Yellow chairs and S-shelf: West Elm

Desk and white cabinet: IKEA

Wall decals: whatisblik.com

Star: made by my sisters!

Amazing light fixture: Turkey! You'll have to fly a long way to get yourself one :)

See Fish Finish!

by candace

In case you missed the first week of "See Fish Finish" you can see the master bedroom here.

Next, we have the nursery. The inspiration for the nursery started with the fabric for the crib and this is where it ended up.

Before I had to take the bumper pads off because my child was destroying them...

And now...

 Where did I get it?

The amazing crib bedding (including the sheet): made by my talented mom and sisters

Crib, dresser, changing table, lights: IKEA

Duvet cover, pillows, clock, rug, hippo, hour glasses: CB2

Curtain: Urban Outfitters

Next week? The office!

See Fish Finish!

by candace

I am not known for finishing projects...not one of my talents. I have lived in my home for 2.5 years and I can finally say that it is FINISHED!! This summer I got a serious itch to get it done so we started by getting rid of the tan walls and tan ceilings (that were the same tan as the carpet and the tile!). I have organized and accessorized and I'm declaring it finished! It's quite liberating.

Our style is more modern than anything and what I have found: modern is hard on a budget! But we've managed and this is what we have come up with. Here is our master bedroom.

And because I appreciated when I found helpful hints, I'll fill you in on where I purchased some things:

Bed, dresser, black chairs, side table, office desk, zig-zag shelf: IKEA

Art: Z Gallerie and World Market

Flowers on the wall: Chiasso

Rug and pillows: CB2 (my favorite place!)
Blown glass sculptures: Pier 1

Chrome floor lamp: Z Gallerie

Big mirror: Home Goods

Curtains: my friend Sally made them. Check out her awesome blog: http://abodecasahome.blogspot.com/

Stay tuned...the next few Fridays will reveal other rooms in the house!

National Adoption Awareness Month

by candace

 If it weren't for adoption this little man wouldn't be ours. I am very grateful for adoption and the blessing it has been in our lives up to this point. More on our story later....

My cousin also has been blessed by adoption. She posted this on her blog and I really liked it so I thought I'd share. You can see her blog here.

Open Adoption is a scary term to many people. I must admit the first time I went to and orientation at LDS Services to learn more about it I was NOT SOLD on the idea! Over time I learned  a lot more about it and met many wonderful people with open adoptions. It sounds impossible for birth families to place their children with families they hardly know and everybody ends up happy. I am here to tell you that it DOES WORK! I have two daughters that my husband I parent and my girls are blessed to have more relatives to love them than the average kid. They have birth families that consist of Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, and even half-siblings! You can never have too many people to love your child. Both of my daughters are 4th children. They know their siblings and have a great time playing with them. At their young age they don't totally understand how they are related, but that will be come in time.We are blessed to be able to visit with their birth families multiple times throughout the year and communicate with them via the phone and internet often.  I am obviously passionate about adoption. I am happy to talk about our adoption experience, there is nothing I like to talk about more!

Myth #1

Adoption must be spoken about in hushed tones

 My children hear the word ADOPTION every single day. Adoption is a celebrated word in our home. My 3 year-old knows she was not in my belly, and she can tell you who her "birthday mom" is. It is not a secret that they are adopted.

Myth #2

I am not their "real mom"

 My children are blessed to have a birth mom and an adoptive mom. I take care of them on a daily basis. I do council with their birth moms about various things and get advice from them.

Myth #3

Their birth moms are going to try and take them back

The girls are legally adopted, everything is finalized. I have people ask if I worry that their birth moms are going to try and "steal" them back like a thief in the night. I do not worry about this whatsoever! I trust both of our birth moms. They made very conscious choices to place their child for adoption.

Myth #4

Birth moms are scary, bad people

Are you kidding me! Just because they had a baby in a tough situation does not mean that they are bad people. Most people could not handle making the difficult choice that they made. Birth mothers come from all different backgrounds, there is no stereotype. Most people picture a young teenager, but the average birth mom is over 25.

Myth #5

Adoptive parents must keep in constant contact with birth families

No one MAKES us keep in contact with our birth families, we choose to stay in touch with them. It is not an obligation, it is a privilege to be part of their lives and is in the best interest of the children to know where they came from. Like I have said before, no child can have too many people to love them.  Their birth mothers are part of our family.

Myth #6

Adoptive Couples compete against one another for children

There are so many amazing families waiting to be chosen to adopt children. Looking at www.itsaboutlove.org has got to be overwhelming for birth parents looking for the right family for their precious child. I honestly feel that birth parents are guided by the spirit to the right family for that particular child. I am not sad when a child goes to another great family rather than mine, they end up where they are supposed to be. I love seeing adoption bless homes like it has blessed mine.

Myth #7

Adopted kids are cuter than other kids

This is not a myth, there is something about adopted kids that makes them EXTRA CUTE! Their cuteness is unsurpassed!

See Fish Bake!

by candace

This is my Dave that was referred to in the previous post. I took this picture a few weeks ago. I like how the pictures are almost identical. I just showed him this picture of Ryan and he said, "Ryan has been making my bread?? Whoa! What design did he use on the top? That looks pretty advanced. He is progressing quickly." This bread making is serious business.

You can call me a real mom

by candace

Yep. I actually sewed my child's Halloween costume. Doesn't that make me a legit mom?

Fish Family Favorites: Baby Stuff!

by candace

I only have one child and he is only thirteen months old so I am not the expert but there are a few favorite things I've used over the past year:

VIDEO MONITOR

I have one similar to this. I totally thought this wasn't necessary but then the in-laws bought it for us. We love it! It's so fun to see what he is actually doing in there. And G (my child) doesn't make much noise...he doesn't cry when he wakes up so the only way I know he is awake is because I can see him. It's a lot of money but well worth it! Here is the little man sleeping...

BOTTLE DRYING RACK

If you use bottles you will love one of these.

MUSLIN BLANKETS

I know these blankets are becoming really trendy and there is a reason for that...they are amazing. I love them and they are pretty much the only blankets we've used for this little guy. I have a few by aden + anais (sold many places including Target) and I have a couple from Bambino Land (shown below). The Bambino Land ones may be a little bit softer but they are totally comparable.

TOMMEE TIPPEE BIBS

These funny bibs are my favorite. They have a little scoop that catches a lot, there is good coverage, they are easy to clean, and G can't pull them off!

More favorites to come...

See Fish Chatter

by candace

Welcome to See Fish Chatter! We are the Fishes—a mom and her eight daughters. My mom did not actually give birth to all eight of us but that isn’t relevant because those who married into the family are stuck with us forever. Between the eight of us sisters we have thirty children, live in five different states, and range in age from 24 to 42. Let me give you a little intro of each person (from my perspective—I do not claim to speak for everyone):

PAT—She is my mother. She happens to be exactly what anyone should want in a mother. She is clean, organized, put together, kind, extremely helpful, full of talents, supportive, wise, a good listener, a great advice giver, happy, selfless, great in the kitchen, not overbearing, intuitive, etc. My sister-in-law put it perfectly: “Everyone needs a Pat”. That, my friends, is the reason I am sharing her with you. You’re welcome. :) 

JULIA is intelligent, is extremely talented, has a perfect complexion, has handwriting that should be made into a font for the world to use, and has a wonderful singing voice. She is a calligrapher and creates unique, beautiful things that you don’t see everywhere. That little hand of hers does amazing things.

STEFANIE is the one who reads and studies and researches when she wants to know something. It’s amazing to me how much knowledge is in that brain of hers. She has a special talent for interior design—although she has never done it professionally. She can give you hair or eyelash extensions, sew whatever in your house you need custom made, or teach you how to eat so you can be your healthiest self.

LORI is the one with a smile on her face even though her life is running wild around her. When you walk in her house you feel like she would rather see no one else, you can stay as long as you want, eat whatever you want, and talk as long as needed. She is fun, likes to ride her bike, and can create beauty out of anything.

KERI is the entertainer. She is hilarious and claims she will never contribute to this blog, which is tragic for all of you reading. She will convince you otherwise but she is great at everything she does—including being a mother. She inspires me with her very early morning exercising and her constant service to those around her.

AMY is one of those you want as a best friend. She is very aware of peoples’ needs. She is always doing something for someone else, having someone live in her house, letting someone drive her [12 passenger] van across the country, or sending me something that “reminded her of me”. She is a master traveler—especially when it comes to traveling with [4] kids. She is always planning, finding great deals, and thinking of the next great place to visit. She is always up for a good time and an even better laugh.

MAGGIE is a lover. Not to give it away but she has a gift that those who were born Fishes don’t have—and we love her for it. Sometimes I wonder if she loves my child more than I love him. Not really but…maybe? Maggie was born to be a mother and she is an amazing one to her three young children. She is beautiful, has the greatest laugh, thinks my brother is the best thing ever, and loves her diet coke.

MARCI is extremely capable. She can pretty much just do whatever she wants to do. She can marry the wackiest guy around and make it awesome, give birth to her third child while that wacky guy is in Iraq and seem fine with it, and the normal things like play the piano (better than the rest of us), get straight “A’s” and pass AP tests (back in the day), bake homemade bread, make quilts for everyone around, organize and decorate her home beautifully, feed the neighbors, pick the ticks out of her kids’ hair, build a chicken coop eight months pregnant—you get the point.

CANDACE—That happens to be me. I am the eighth of nine children and happen to think I’m the smartest of them all because I picked the best spot in the family. I claim to be a graphic designer and am addicted to things like cool fonts, cookies, modern furniture, changing my hair, hoodies, Chipotle, and my computer. I wasn’t, however, blessed with an addiction to making dinner, flossing my teeth, or good grammar (so please forgive the seventh grade level English skills that you have just endured).

There you have it. My mom actually gave birth to nine. We have brother who is the youngest of the Fishes…I’m going to try to convince him to share some of his wisdom on this blog but he doesn’t know about that yet. The most amazing thing about all of these women is how dedicated they are to what they believe. We all love Jesus Christ, know that He lives, know that He loves us, and know that He loves you. We are the Fish ladies…and we are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. In other words, we are Mormons.